P.C.O.S.

It is time to start taking things seriously. About a month ago, I was diagnosed with PCOS. I won't go into too much detail about the disorder but I will post a link for those who are interested.

WEBMD-PCOS 

MAYO CLINIC- PCOS

OFFICE ON WOMEN'S HEALTH

Basically it causes hormonal imbalance, metabolic problems, insulin resistance, infertility, difficulty losing weight and/or easily gaining weight, cysts on ovaries,and the list goes on and on. There is no cure but is treatable.

I have struggled with many of the symptoms since my pre-teens, and the term has been thrown around from age 16-21 but no doctor I have had has taken it seriously. Until now! And I am so thankful to finally have found a doctor who is being proactive and has finally given me the answers to so many of the questions and problems I have been going through over the last 20 years. I feel really old saying that..lol.

The biggest change I have had to make is in regards to my diet and exercise. Which comes back to the very heart of why I started this blog 2 years ago. The biggest difference between then and now, is knowing that my body is not "NORMAL" and there are some things that simply will not work for me.

I have been researching nutrition for 2 years now and you'd think that I would have lost a bunch of weight. But I have not, in fact what little I do seem to lose I put back on plus an extra 10. But now that I know that I have PCOS, I have been doing research into how to treat my symptoms with diet and exercise. I have to learn and figure out how to fuel my body appropriately. I have to find a way to take all the research I have and make it work for me. It seems like an impossible task. Until next time...

Good Health & God Bless!

 
 

You can't hide from reality

It is 3:30 am and needless to say I can not sleep. As I look back through my past posts I can hear the knocks of depression banging loudly. Self- hate and shame have once again taken root. My chest hurts and it is difficult to breathe as I rack my brain around why I keep falling into old patterns. 

God has been doing great things in my life and yet I find myself having a hard time accepting them because I feel so much self-hatred. 

I've learned that the first step in any healing process is to start with the truth. So here I am accepting the truth that I am officially heavier than I have ever been in my life. 305 pounds. I look in the mirror and I hate who I see. I want to know why I struggle with food!? It should be so simple as eat this not that, but I am screaming it is not! I've been trying so hard to overcome this battle but I can never seem to win. I've tried many strategies and they end up failing. I am terrified! 

For tonight, I am holding on to hope.